My Life as a Chick Lit Character
Not being a chick, I've never been much for chick lit. Now I'm starring in it. Sort of.
Last year, after an article of mine on local author Stacey Ballis ran in the Sun-Times books section, Ballis asked if I'd object to appearing in her next book as a Sun-Times reporter who writes about her main characters. (Real names of people and places give her Chicago-set novels authenticity.) Both flattered and mildly freaked out, I had to think about it. Seeing my name appear regularly in a major metropolitan newspaper is one thing, but imagining it floating around in the land of make-believe was an unsettling notion.
"Just don't make me a total pushover," I half-joked in my response. Then I forgot all about it until a copy of The Spinster Sisters (Berkley, 293 pages, $14) arrived in February or March and a co-worker noted my inclusion.
"Don't worry," she assured me, "you're fully clothed."
And so (coronary averted) I am. In a way, though, I'd rather be stark naked (or at least half naked) in every fourth chapter than the somewhat puppet-like proseologist Ballis portrays.
On pages 72, 97 and 189, I'm reporting and writing a feature that the protagonists hope will help deflect negative publicity from their nationally known advice duo The Spinster Sisters. They're single women who've built a mini media empire on the theme of empowered and happy singledom. Then one of them gets engaged, creating a major image problem that threatens their livelihood. My "exclusive" interview, it seems, is intended as one line of defense -- along with a press release.
In real life I'd kind of resent that, because I'm sure -- no, super sure -- none of my subjects would ever use one of my write-ups to garner positive publicity.
"Mike Thomas got his article printed last week as promised in the Sunday Sun-Times Controversy section," Ballis writes, "a very balanced and brilliantly written feature about the company and Jill's engagement, and he included all kinds of great quotes from our work that talk about how to keep a committed relationship alive, as well as quotes from supporters. He downplayed our 'single' stuff and really highlighted our work as empowering women to live their best possible lives ... We love him very, very much."
I have to admit, it's nice to get some big love once in a while. And if I weren't so tanned from DNA and lakeside jogs, Ballis' inky smooches would have made me blush. Can't argue with the "balanced and brilliantly written" line, either. But I have little or no say about when, where or even if an article runs. I would never downplay something that's pertinent to a piece -- as the "single stuff" definitely was in light of Spinster Jill's impending marriage. Also, I try whenever possible to get comments from detractors as well as supporters. Then again, Ballis writes fiction, where nothing -- not even that which is seemingly rooted in fact -- rings totally true.
And so, I'm over it already and back to being flattered. As the willing subject of novels, however, I'm officially retired. If my brief bookish exploits have taught me one thing, it's this: A byline is all the self-aggrandizing ink I need. The no-nudity thing is nice, too.
Mike Thomas is a Sun-Times features writer.
